This interview is with the Twitter parody account, @The_HelenKeller.
If you’re easily offended, please exit now.
This is by far the hardest interview we’ve ever done. The language barrier was so tough, but we made it through it and it was so worth it. We heard a loud bang after the interview though and later discovered Helen Keller fell down the stairs. Don’t worry, she’s recovering just fine.
@The_HelenKeller was kind enough to answer some questions for us that we’ve been dying to know the answers to.
What would you say if you could speak?
Definitely a tough question and something I think about often. It’s hard to say since speech has never really been a part of my life, but there are many times that I know exactly which word I would love to say if I could. That word would be a big old dirty F bomb. It is so frustrating the number of times a day I bump in to a wall, knock a vase over or fall down and can’t even scream out F***!!!!
What is your worst childhood memory?
My memories are a little foggy, to say the least. Everyday always comes a new challenge – trying not to sleep through the alarm clock, getting dressed, getting lost in small rooms, banging into walls – I could go on all day. One time, however I was playing with one of those Chinese finger trap toys and it got stuck. I couldn’t talk for 2 days. When I finally got it off, my fingers had so many blisters that I was talking with a lisp for another 2 days.
What is your best childhood memory?
My childhood is full of many dark memories, but of course there are the good ones as well, whatever they may be. Definitely my best memory is when my teacher Anne Sullivan finally got through to me and I learned how to read sign language in my palm. This is one of the things that many people don’t understand about me. I can communicate, just not with my mouth. Still, among the questions I usually get through my twitter besides “aren’t you dead” are “how do you tweet, I thought you were blind,” and people questioning my legitimacy when I mention talking to others. Of course I would not be able to communicate in any way if it weren’t for my blessed teacher, Anne.
What is your biggest regret?
I live by one rule: live with no regrets. I’m the poster child for ‘shit happens’ and I’ve learned to deal with my shit. Everyone else should too. Real talk. That being said, I probably could have done without sinking 50K into that interior home design company I started … bankrupt in 2 weeks. I guess nobody likes my designs.
What is drunk Helen Keller like?
You’re pretty much talking to her. I mean, drunk Helen isn’t too far off from sober Helen. Incoherent mumbling, falling down, knocking in to stuff, spilling drinks. It’s all part of the lifestyle. In fact, sometimes when I am drunk I completely pass out and don’t even notice.
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
I don’t do blind dates. I really just don’t see the point.
What’s your dream guy like?
I can admit, I’m completely superficial when it comes to guys. All of my past boyfriends have complained that I never listen to them. I’m not in to the whole relationship crap, so I could really care less what guys have to say. I just want a manly man with a nice body, smooth forehead, and a nice feeling face. Is that too much to ask?
If you could do it all over again, what would you do different?
I would punch the asshole out who tried to send me back to go through that hell again!
How do you feel about the fact that you’ve been such an inspiration to so many people in the world?
I’m glad I can help other people see what even I couldn’t. The world can be a beautiful place if you know how to look at it. To be honest I was high out of my mind for most of those ‘famous quotes’ of mine, but I’m happy that I can inspire others like me. Deaf-blind FTW!
Wow, that was eye-opening! A lot of your curiosities about Helen Keller should be answered now.
Make sure you follow @The_HelenKeller on Twitter.
If you enjoy following @The_HelenKeller, check out @Granny__B and @WhosYourDoggie.
Don’t forget to Like Us on Facebook.
